A Long Day

The pathway near our house - beautiful but can be so lonely.

The pathway near our house.  It is a nice walk when you need to clear your mind. 

Today was a very long day.  We spent it waiting for news that we didn’t get.  Waiting for test results can play on one’s nerves.  My husband is almost fatalistic about the results of the bone scan.  He’s gone to a dark place and there is no moving him out of it until we get the news from the Oncologist.  We’ve had minimal communication between the two of us today since he has nothing to say.  He’s quite withdrawn and has no appetite.  The pain in his neck/shoulder is unbearable and nothing seems to touch it.  Personally I think that the pain, although quite real, is magnified greatly by the anxiety and fear that is playing in his mind.  He won’t speak about his fears because he knows it would upset me, however, withdrawing is equally upsetting.  It’s difficult for me to stay upbeat or positive when I’ve been shut out of the private hell he is in.  Over the course of the day we’ve had a few phone calls and our very pregnant daughter (8 months now) stopped by for a quick visit; her visit relieved the tedium, but that relief was short lived, he retreated back into his world once she left.

Tomorrow we should have an answer one way or the other as to what is going on in his bones and that will take away the dreadful mind-numbing fear of the unknown.  Fingers crossed.