Good-bye 2016

It’s a new year and that means a fresh start.  In theory.  It’s not like something magic happens and all the baggage and stuff from the previous year(s) goes away.  It is a crazy notion that some people really believe – “I’m glad to see the end of that year!” – they say, like the slate’s been wiped clean.

So new year’s comes and goes and finally we are through the madness of Christmas.  I don’t remember Christmas 2015 – but made an effort to try and be more “Christmas-y” for 2016.  It was better but still hard. I envy those families that have no sorrow or stress at Christmas – and I know a few of them.  Perhaps they never will experience loss to the extent that others do, that I did.  Perhaps they will, who knows and what does it matter really.  What is hardest is trying to maintain the false bravado associated with the day, for that matter, with the whole season.

So I was asked what my resolutions would be for the new year.  I actually do think that it is a good thing to engage in some retrospection.  It’s important to look at habits, opinions, tendencies and figure out if they are beneficial or not.  So I did make one resolution, after much thought, for this year – to put more effort into my interactions with others.  I find it so easy to retreat, and I am comfortable with being on my own, but I don’t think it’s always healthy.

I will never be that outgoing person that everyone wants to hang out with, but not too many people are.  Most of us are the periphery that orbit around the star to grab bit of the glitter that they spin.  It can be fun, but it takes some effort.  I lost my star in 2015 when Kevin died, and at the same I lost all interest in people other than my immediate family.  I had limited capacity.  So maybe what my resolution really is, is to exert more effort in my relationships, to work on building my capacity and to start caring again.