The Migraine

Yesterday, for the second time in the last month, I had a migraine.  A knock you off your feet, can’t open my eyes, wavy line, sick stomach migraine.  It had hit in the middle of the night and was at it’s peak by about noon.  The weather this summer has definitely not helped but there are other contributing factors at work too.  First of all, I truly believe that my constitution has changed significantly since Kevin’s death.  Thus, the medication that I am on affects me differently now, I think it has become too strong and my stomach can’t tolerate it.

Another thing significantly different since my husband’s death, is the way I eat.  As Kevin’s disease progressed we became more and more conscious of the foods we ate.  We focused on an alkaline diet supplemented by various minerals and vitamins.  I don’t remember having migraines, despite the stress, in the last six months before Kevin died.

After his death certain things became less important, one of those was meal planning.  I just didn’t care.  Didn’t matter what I had to eat, it all tasted like nothing anyway.  Since his death I had to adjust to it being just me, so there is little impetus to make a full or a balanced meal.  It’s easier to take something premade out of the freezer (if something’s there) or just have a bowl of cereal,or crackers and milk, put something in my belly to satisfy the feeling of hunger.

I will cook if I have a reason to cook.  If I am having family or friends over then I enjoy putting a meal together, but if no one is coming over, then no biggie – likely whatever I can find that is easy is it.  This I believe is a significant part of my problem.   Physically after a death there are things that happen, grief changes a person enormously.  Lack of strength, energy, confidence all knock you down very low.  Building back up is tentative, little steps, sometimes no steps, sometimes just standing is as good as it gets.  Add on top of that not eating properly and well, it’s laying the groundwork for feeling lousy in a different way.  No one wants to feel lousy, but sometimes we can be our own worse enemies.

I got up this morning and my hands and legs are both shaky from the migraine, from the drugs.  This is not a state I care to revisit, although I know I will since I’ve experienced migraines for most of my life.  However, if ever something was underscored for me this was it – I need to remember to eat properly.  I felt good eating alkaline.  It’s time to go back to what worked.