It’s a journey

Life goes on.  A week ago I was worrying about my sister-in-law.  Another surgery in the books, and not an easy one.  A full five hour operation, so a lot of anesthesia that can make for a lousy recovery.  She came through it okay, but nothing is ever easy for her.  By day two there were some issues and worries, but here we are just over a week later and she’s home and on the mend.

It was tough walking into the hospital again.  The last time I was there I was with Kevin, my Kevin.  It didn’t end so good for him.  Fortunately, the outcome was better this time.   Still, it was an emotionally draining seven or eight days riddled by recollections of Kevin and worries about June.   And so the memories are all back up and fresh in my mind.  This has been a week of tears.  A week where I have said his name so many times, hoping for a sign, a message, anything.  I miss him.

It doesn’t help that there is also emotion and sadness in my workplace as one of my co-workers goes into her final decline.  Not someone I worked with, but a person I knew of and admired for her spirit and determination.  Her immediate team will be pierced by loss, and that loss is imminent.  I recognize that this news has destabilized me, I feel so deeply for the family she will leave behind, even though I have never met them.  My loss is old, their’s will be new.  It has nothing to do with me, and yet it has the power to make my heart ache.

Kevin used to say he was a man of extreme highs and extreme lows, and he was.  But really isn’t that what life is, a series of highs and lows.  Sometimes it feels like the waves will pull you down and drown you and other times you just float on the surface and bask in the sun.  We are all at different points and that’s all it is.



The First Appointment – Again

So got the call first thing this morning and the apology.  Don’t know what happened, made a mistake, sorry.  Thing is, a mistake for someone who is gravely ill can really be quite traumatic.  To have to travel a distance for a mistake is simply not acceptable.  Either way though they have you, we need the service, and they provide it.  Being miserable to the service providers accomplishes nothing and actually can make things more difficult.  So we take the high road. Anyway, we had our appointment, learned a little bit more about chemo and the treatment and were instructed to go back down tomorrow to the hospital to have the picc line installed.  No problem.

In the meantime we are expecting the delivery of mechanical supports, specifically a tripod for above the bed to help my husband move around, a walker for obvious reasons, some toileting accessories and a ramp for the house.  The delivery was scheduled for either last Friday or today.  When we followed up, guess what, someone forgot to put in the order for the equipment.  I can’t believe this stuff keeps happening to us.  Are we a test run for tolerance?  Again, what do you do  – answer:  nothing, say no problem just please get it here as soon as possible.

Learning from all of the above, mistakes happen for sure, but following up is essential.  If I hadn’t called about the equipment today who knows when it would have arrived.  Actually, who knows when it will arrive – because it still isn’t here.

I can hardly wait for tomorrow (sigh).