What Next?

So I have to make a decision about this blog – do I keep it going or do I shut it down. It started as a diary of events surrounding my husband’s illness and with his death it must be revisited.

Grief is a debilitating thing, it takes away all rational thought and introduces a fear that is insidious that influences you without you even being aware of it. Like the fight or flight response the body goes into gut wrenching reaction where emotions over rule the mind. They tell me this is normal. The events preceding my husband’s death were the most emotional and draining I have ever experienced and play over and over in my mind as I grieve.

During Kevin’s last days with us he deteriorated far faster than the doctor expected. We had agreed and enrolled in a program called expected death in the home or EDITH. This provided us with access to home supports for all stages associated with impending death. Consequently when his health started to decline on Saturday I called our visiting nurse to come to the house and assist me and the kids in calming him down. He was most agitated.

We used an injection from a symptom relief kit that was supplied to me (and is given to all terminal patients in our area). Kevin’s agitation was quite intense and he was determined to get out of his bed and leave. He pleaded with us to “help me”. It was bar none the hardest night that the kids and I have ever put in. The night was an anxious one but he made it through.

We made a decision to contact the doctor to attend the house on Sunday to help us prepare for the days ahead – or so we thought. At this point we still believed we had at least a week or even two to spend with him.

It Wasn’t Just Me…

It wasn’t just me who loved this guy.  It was a whole bunch of people, and it showed in the numbers that attended his funeral.  I was touched by the number of former students and co-workers, friends and neighbours that came out to pay their respects to a great guy.  He was truly one of a kind.  There is so much to be written about him and I will, but not just yet.  For now I will share one article written by John Swartz a reporter for our local paper; a lovely tribute for which I am most grateful.

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BIG LOSS

We lost one of the bright lights in the music community Sunday.

Kevin Batchelor was a music teacher at Harriett Todd Public School. He also played sax in Dogs of War, the most well-produced and professional band Orillia has seen in the past couple of decades. He also did other gigs, usually jazz.

Many people didn’t know him, but the product of his teaching effort is all around us. It was his students who tipped me off he had passed and several of them are active in the music scene here.

The old line, “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach,” is, first of all, wrong, and certainly does not apply to Batchelor.

Good teachers unleash the potential of their students and point them in the right direction, over and over again. To his students who found their calling in music, Batchelor was not just a good teacher; he was great.

And he had a great sense of humour. We’ll miss him in ways we can’t even know at this moment.

(http://www.orilliapacket.com/2015/04/01/another-day-in-splitsville)

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Since February 28th of this year Orillia has lost three significant educators of the Arts.  Three outstanding teachers that poured their hearts and souls into what they believed in.  The importance of the cultural development of our youth serves as a measure of our society’s growth and values and to lose these individuals is a tragedy of immense proportions for this little city.

The Funeral Is Today

I wake up knowing this is a likely to be the hardest day of my life so far. Today we bury my darling Kevin. We were a pretty normal couple we loved we laughed we fought we cried but always at the end it was us two.

So I sit here at the side of the bed filled with dread. I don’t know if I can do this but I suspect the day will carry me through. So feet planted firmly on the ground, head held high and with our family gathered around me we will say good bye to the love of my life, a tremendous dad, wonderful brother and a good friend to so many many people.