So that’s it then

That’s another big event down for yet one more year.  Not as many tears but still a few unexpected moments.  Like tonight, when we dropped off my oldest son at his in-laws place, when my daughter-in-law’s dad said, as I was hugging the grandkids, “So sad that Kevin isn’t here to see them.”  My grandkids, my son’s three boys, now five, three, and a year and a bit – growing like bad weeds.  Full of fun and laughter and energy.  Lovely children, who, along with my daughter’s son, are sweet little imaginative boys that granddad could have told tall tales to and spun yarns about when he was a boy.

My Kevin.  He’s been in my mind and heart all through this Christmas.  Images of him have popped into my consciousness, of times long ago when the kids were little; from when we first met; our last Christmas. I am afraid that I let him down this year and that’s why he’s been so active in my mind.  I didn’t get many Christmas cards out.  You see, I have one final sketch that he did that I was planning on using.  But it felt like if I used it then that was it – finality.  There would be emptiness after that.  So I didn’t – I sent out a few pre-printed cards and then left it at that?

Perhaps next year I will be braver or stronger or more accepting.  But not this year, maybe next Christmas…

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