What Thoughts Go Through My Head

Tonight a good friend of yours stopped by, Kevin.  He stopped by to share a video clip that he had put together.  I knew it would be sad, lovely but sad, and it was.  He wanted me to see the graduation video for the 2015 grade 8 class.  He did a music video, just like you guys would do every year. This year he used the song from Fast and Furious 7, See You Again.  As the song ends on the graduation video, a picture flashes on the screen and there you are my love – large as life, sharing love and peace.  Needless to say, it made me cry.  I miss you so much that sometimes I forget how much other people, your friends, miss you too.

Tomorrow it’s your birthday.  We will gather together, hopefully in light and laughter and certainly in tears and sorrow, to form a tight circle of family for the day.  No one needs to say how much you are missed; it’s painfully obvious to anyone who knows us.  It’s a crazy type of day, really.  We can hardly ‘celebrate’ your birthday without you here, at least not this first year. A better way to express what tomorrow will be about is to use the word ‘acknowledgement’.  We will acknowledge our loss and continue to build on the foundation of family so important to living and giving as we move through this world.  Tomorrow will be a day to appreciate each other, the family that you created and that continues on.

What thoughts go through my head?  Here I am addressing words to you like you are still here.  It will be five months on Saturday since you died.  Five months where every day I have thought about you.  I wish I knew more or cared less; it might make my journey less painful.

Your journey, I trust, has resolved into an aspect of being or an essence of spirit where you are surrounded by all that is gentle, kind and good.  This is my birthday wish for you forever and always.

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