A Fanciful Thought

I was thinking about how different this month of June is to every other one I’ve experienced in my married life.  At this time of the year my husband would be counting down the days to the end of the school year.  You see, teachers aren’t that different from the children they teach, they are just as anxious to get to summer break.  Kevin’s spirits would start to rise all through this month.  He’d be busy preparing for the Grade 8 Graduation.  There was always some sort of video presentation that he would do with a couple of the other teachers and that would occupy a lot of their time this month.  There would be the school dance to plan, usually a final dinner at someone’s house and so on.  A busy time, always a busy time.

For at least 20 years my family was subjected to the same routine as we neared the end of the school year.  On the second last day of the teaching year we would wake up to “One Day More,” a song from Les Miserables.  This would be played over and over again as Kevin would stand in the middle of the living room smiling.  The last day of the school year it was always School’s Out by Alice Cooper.  For this song, the volume was cranked as loud as the windows could take.  Kevin would be walking around in his undies, arms over his head, fingers making a peace sign, nodding his head. Played over and over.  Twenty years of this.

This will be the second year where this doesn’t happen, but it is the first year where I really feel the loss.  Last year Kevin went into hospital right before the Grade 8 Graduation.  We got the awful news the last day of school, and consequently none of the usual celebrations occurred.  Neither song was played.  It’s a funny thing – since Kevin has died I don’t recall having heard either of these songs on the radio.  I know I would have reacted if I had.  I wonder if Kevin has a hand in this somehow; a fanciful thought but it does strike me as odd that I haven’t heard either of these tunes in almost a year.

Anyhow, this month will grind its way to the end.  As for me, I suspect that I will be absolutely emotionally spent.  For some reason, I hope that it rains and rains and rains.

One comment on “A Fanciful Thought

  1. I loved this post Jenny, they are making me cry every morning, but I think I am desperate for the release. I don’t know what it is but for some reason the rain matches the mood, and a sunny day just doesn’t fit, I need the rain also. My whole body seems like it has been turned upside down and hung out to dry. I know I am getting stronger every day, but I feel so out of balance. Thank goodness for Kevin’s larger than life personality, for these wonderful memories, and thank goodness to you for the ability to put it into words.


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